Ash and cinders
by Gemma Inkyboots
Summary: 1st Sonic fanfic - first fanfic I wrote, come to think of it - and hint of slash. You were warned.


Good lord, it's not a TF fic! Probably because it's the first fanfic I wrote. Therefore it's a little OOC (or so I think, but I wrote it so I'm paranoid.) Sorta pre-slash than real slash-slash, if you see what I mean. I wrote it when I was heavily into Sonadow (still am, but Tf takes presidence ;) ) and I wrote it ages ago, so you have been warned. I did try to keep it in character, but Shadow slid a bit. I maintain that it's because he's had a rough time. And I did my best with Sonic... Cream's there because I like her in the cartoon. Nya to continuity - I never got to see the 'toon up to the game. Either game, come to think of it...

Shutting up now.

* * *

Ash and cinders

"_**CHAOS CONTROL!"**_

In a blinding flash of white light, the ARK is transported back into Earth's orbit. Safe. But my power's failing and I'm falling away from it – I can't get back to the – _aaargh! _

I smashed into Sonic, flying over my head to see what was wrong. Being a hero again.

"Shadow! You're losing your super form! Get back to the ARK, quick!"

"I'm fine" I snap at him, but he doesn't hear. The ring energy is draining away, slowly enough but leaving me breathless and gasping. I'm losing altitude, and Earth is looming under me – I get the absurd idea that it's waiting...

"Shadow!" Sonic's turned back to look at me... he looks really worried suddenly, afraid even – I've never seen him scared, not even when the ARK first started falling. I wince slightly at that (_it's all my fault_) then set my face; showing emotions is weak, shows you can be hurt..._and_ _I've been hurting for so long_...

**"Shadow!"**

No...wait...

Being cold got me into this, caused all this-_mess! _Maria wanted me to help...I've been cold for years – cold, and hurt, and alone...this didn't help that; if anything I've made it worse – I shook my head. I was dizzy, shaking; the silver glow around me had almost disappeared by now, and it was hard to breathe...

_... so cold..._

Sonic was almost directly over me now. I could dimly hear cheering from the others in the ARK – they were safe, we'd done it, that was all that mattered. I gave a wry little smile. "Maria, this is what you wanted, right?" I whispered. "This is my promise...I made to you..."

I saw Sonic above me. He had lost a lot of his super energy too, but he was still mostly that brilliant gold. I kept looking and the gold started to blur – I was falling, faster and faster, but Sonic was still there above me, trying to grab my wrist but just snagging my cuff, the gold and black one...

"Shadow, snap out of it! Come on, we gotta get back to the ARK!"

I shook my head. "Let go Sonic..."

"WHAT?"

"Let go. You won't make it back, just let go."

"No! What's wrong with you?! You're stubborn and annoying and loyal, so why are you _doing _this?!"

I struggled to keep my eyes open. "Why can't you just give up? Even I thought I sounded weak, and I was so out of it ... so woozy...I almost didn't care.

"Why can't I..._Shadow, you're gonna **die** if you fall!"_

"So...?"

"Wha...look, you may be the ultimate lifeform but you are so damn stupid! Come _on_! Is this some post-apocalypse shutdown or something?!"

"...I've done...what I was...put here for...and I'm tired...Sonic, just _let...me...go_."

"NO!"

We were starting to enter the atmosphere by now, and the heat...I'd never been so hot in my life, and I was so groggy by this stage I couldn't take in what Sonic was saying.

"...we're your friends, and we don't want to lose you!"

"Wha...?" I forced my eyes open and stared at him. "What...did you...say...?"

He blinked. "I said we don't want to lose you! We're your friends!"

Almost on cue I barely heard the voice of the little pink girl from the lab over Sonic's earpiece, crackling from the friction. "Sonic? Shadow? What's wrong – where are you? Why aren't you-"

"Amy!" Sonic broke in sharply. "Tell Shadow you don't want to lose him!"

_"What?"_

"DO IT! And the rest of you! Loud – and fast!"

There was silence. I shut my eyes again as I felt flames licking around my legs – my fur was almost catching fire! I gritted my teeth for a moment, then gasped as Sonic grabbed my other wrist and used his left hand to turn up the volume control on my own earpiece – it had been knocked down when he grabbed my arm.

Suddenly there was a multitude of voices ringing in my ears. My eyes opened wide as I heard the girl – _Amy,_ I thought shakily, _her name is Amy_ – shrieking in panic, "Shadow! We can see you! Get back here – you'll get hurt!" Rouge, the Doctor, that fox boy, even the echidna – they were all yelling at me – "Shadow, no!" "Come back!" "Don't let go Shadow, don't let go!"

I stared at Sonic in shock. He grinned, a bit of the old cocky attitude back on his face. "See?"

They wanted me? They were yelling for me not to get hurt? Rouge was even threatening Sonic with..._ouch _- my eyes widened - if he let me go!

I looked at him again. "They...want...me back?" I croaked.

"Yep." He nodded.

"Even after... this?"

"Yep!" He grinned.

I couldn't think straight after that. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, and the tight knot inside my chest I've carried for fifty years since Maria died and my world fell apart loosened and smashed into pieces.

I couldn't handle it. I was shaking and my eyes were blurred, and I couldn't work out what with until the tears dripped onto my nose – and promptly evaporated in the searing heat! I looked back up at Sonic and saw him hanging onto both me and his super form like grim death, but he still had the energy to say: "Faker Airlines budget travel, at your service! Comin' aboard?"

For the first time in a long time I smiled and nodded. It was shaky and felt like my head was about to fall off, but still –

Sonic, looking seriously relieved, quickly pulled us out of the blistering dive and up away from the blazing sky below. From the ARK I could hear cheers again, but this time they seemed – I frowned, listened harder - and then gave up as my crisped fur started cracking into cinders from the heat before. I could swear they were louder!

"You see what I mean?" Sonic said, giving me a quick, sidelong look. "You save the world, become a hero's sidekick for the afternoon-" he smirked at me as I rolled my eyes "- you're bound to make _some_ friends."

We came closer to the ARK, close enough to see the five small figures waving and dancing madly at the huge glass windows of the main lab. Sonic flew past, almost close enough to hear the tumultuous racket with our own ears – instead of receiving the tinny, fuzzy, garbled version that seemed twice as loud as it should through the earpieces we were wearing.

Sonic flew us towards the main bay doors, getting slower and slower as his exhaustion, my extra weight and the recent aerobatics he'd pulled began to tell on his emerald energy. We drifted towards the bay doors – someone in the ARK had had the foresight to guess where we'd be heading and had started the opening sequence, so that as Sonic's strength finally gave out and we began to drop, the extra length of the bay ramp ground out to meet us and we half landed, half fell onto the blessedly firm, reassuring steel of solid ground.

â€¢â€¢â€¢â€¢â€¢â€¢â€¢â€¢â€¢â€¢

"I thought... if I let anyone in...I'd end up getting hurt again, and I hated everyone from Earth because they all seemed so..._mindless_, like drones, that they just let things happen and carried on living their lives as if the world was still normal! ...I built up a wall round me so no-one could get in; I had to, especially in the labs; no-one could get at me then, no-one could hurt me or get me to talk – it didn't matter, I was safe on my own, and it can't hurt you if you keep everything away." I gave a weak, rueful grin. "I'd got good at it too – or I thought I had." I looked up at Amy. "You managed to shatter fifty years' worth of effort in as many seconds, you know. That's not bad." Her eyes welled up and she gave a heartbreaking little moan, flinging herself onto my lap and wrapping her arms round me. I hissed a little from the singed skin on my legs and sides, but somehow the small bundle clinging onto me was...nice.

I looked up and saw them all staring at me. I hadn't raised my head once as I told them the story, about Maria, the Professor and the pillaging of the ARK over fifty years ago. I hadn't dared. After my eyes watering back in space, I didn't want to risk them feeling sorry for me – I still had a few scraps of my pride left after all...no. I was fooling myself. I still couldn't let them in properly – I couldn't bear the thought that they'd turn away, leave me alone again...I knew now I couldn't stand being alone any longer. It hurt too much already to even think it, but I couldn't let them see how much it meant – my emotions careening around from defiance to fear and, hidden at the back, a frail hope I wouldn't be left in the cold. So I raised my head with a shred of my old attitude on my face – which melted under the warm blaze of sympathy and understanding radiating from them. All of them! Even the doctor's eyes were watering, and the hard-bitten bat, Rouge, was sniffling into a hanky she'd fished out from...somewhere in that costume. My eyes widened and my ears quivered, and Amy squeezed my ribs even tighter as I felt her warm tears soak into my crisped and charred fur.

I couldn't stand it. It was too much all at once - I tried to back off, run, get away; then remembered I was sitting on a battered chair in the lab. I thought my heart would break. I was suddenly afraid, panicking – _I don't know what to do_ – anything to stop those looks, opening all the old wounds I fought so hard to keep closed even after telling them...

"Don't..." I quavered, my voice shaking. "Don't... look at me like that!"

"What?" They looked at me, confused by the sudden change.

"No – leave me alone!" I was so panicked by now my voice started to rise, getting shriller as I struggled to get away. Amy, not understanding, clung onto me as I tried to stand and almost brought me crashing to the ground.

Almost...

Except for tan hands grasping my shoulders and steadying me. Except for Sonic silently motioning for Amy to let go and slide off me. I was shaking and trembling under his steady gaze – I just couldn't face him, not now...

"Sonic – let go." I muttered, barely audible.

"You already said that once." He replied, just as quietly. "I didn't then and I won't now."

I froze.

He carried on as if he hadn't noticed. "Shadow, if you don't want to talk any more, then fine, you don't have to. But we can help, if you let us! Just tell us what's wrong- _please!"_

I couldn't breathe. There was a huge lump in my throat and it hurt too much - _too much to talk_ – I looked up desperately, trying to explain, or failing that, run – but something in those emerald eyes stopped me. I opened my mouth to try and say something-_anything_-any kind of excuse...but nothing came out. Except for a tiny, strangled sob.

The look Sonic gave me then just smashed through any kind of pitiful defenses I had left. All the pain, the anger, the hurt and the desperate, blind aching of over fifty long years came crashing down and all I could do was stand there like an idiot and let the tears well up in my eyes as I stood there choking in front of him. I let out a low pained wail as I hung my head, shaking with the force of the waves of tears suddenly streaming down my face. Sonic's eyes widened – I don't know what he expected, but it certainly wasn't the stubborn, annoying Shadow to burst into tears in front of him – but he only faltered for a minute. He stepped forward and carefully put his arms around me, as if he expected me to jump away or knock him back. I didn't. I couldn't... I just stood there letting him hold me while the others clustered round us, occasionally patting me on the back or the arm – and I swear Rouge and Amy were stroking my fur, or as much of it as Amy could reach anyway.

After I had finally calmed down a little, Sonic gently maneuvered me round to a seat that would take the both of us, still holding me like a mother would a baby and occasionally murmuring the odd phrase or word to try and comfort me. I was shaking still, mostly from the effort of crying that hard on top of everything else, but apart from that and feeling utterly exhausted, I somehow felt better than I had for years. In fact, I had almost fallen asleep in Sonic's arms when Amy eased her way onto the seat between me and the arm. She sat there nervously for a moment, then I woke up slightly and looked at her. I must have looked terrible – my eyes were even redder than normal from crying, my face was blotchy and I had tear tracks eroded into my face; maybe that was why she wriggled next to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, just below Sonic's.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her, my voice cracking slightly. She just smiled up at me and snuggled into my fur again. I managed to give a watery smile back, before I relaxed into their warm embrace and drifted closer to sleep with Sonic holding me...almost protectively. It was sort of...nice... to be looked after for a change by someone else...

Unconsciously nuzzling into Sonic's warm, comforting fur and wrapping my free arm round Amy, I gently drifted off to sleep...

* * *

I twisted my neck around as best I could and looked down at Shadow. I shouldn't be surprised he'd fallen asleep after his first time going Super but I was; every time I thought I'd got this guy figured out he still managed to surprise me, and now was no exception. I would never in a billion years have thought that Shadow of all people would cry...if you'd've asked me I'd probably have laughed and said he didn't know how! Still...

We'd had no idea about what had happened on the ARK back then – an' to be honest we didn't ask. All Tails'd been able to find out was there'd been an accident, and we – or me, at least – hadn't thought about it since. I'd got so used to Eggman trying to take over the world just for the hell of it (or that's how it seems, anyway) that I never thought there might be a deeper motive; for Shadow, at least.

He's still trembling a bit and his fur's soaking wet round his muzzle. Poor guy. I've never seen him when he's not so...I dunno..._uptight_ all the time – it's weird to see him look so little and helpless. Bit like the look on his face when I asked him to tell us what was wrong.

He shakes again, worse than before this time, then sort of snuggles up against me and finally stops shivering. I guess he got cold in here after nearly getting roasted alive – then again it looks like half his fur's been turned to cinders. Amy wiggles in turn then shifts a bit to look up at me. I try to give her a flash of the trademark cocky grin, but halfway through it slips somehow and ends up looking pretty sad and droopy.

"Poor Shadow..." Rouge says, inching a little closer and peering down at his face. I glance up at her. "What, you're a Government spy and you didn't know?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

"No... I only knew there was a-" "...terrible accident, yeah. Same here. Pity we didn't think to find out more about the 'accident' when we had the chance, then none of this would've..." I stopped when I realized my voice was getting angry, louder. The last thing I wanted was to wake Shadow up when he was so tired -thinking about it, the last thing I wanted was for Shadow to get hurt again. It's just so totally unfair; before all this started he'd never done a thing to hurt anyone, and then out of the blue some military bigwig decides to blow up everything he's ever known or cared about just because of who he was...created... to be...

I glance down at him again. I can't help it. Something keeps on prompting me to make sure he's alright –

"Uh...Mister Sonic?"

I look round and see Cream standing half behind Rouge. "What's up?"

She peeks out a bit further. "How did you know what to say to Shadow?"

"Yeah," Tails chimes in. "And why did you hug him like that? I'da thought he'd've ripped your arms off if you'd tried it, but he just went to pieces on you!"

I wriggled, embarrassed; I've never been too good with the touchy-feely stuff – it just felt like the right thing to do...

"Actually, it's quite common for victims of a serious attack, like Shadow, to bottle up any emotions or painful memories for weeks, sometimes months, after the event." We all stared at Rouge. She just gave us that quick, smug grin and carried on. "Shadow's just had it worse than most because he was caught by G.U.N straight after Maria died and never had the chance to grieve properly."

"Oh, the poor thing..." Amy cried, and squeezed Shadow's ribs tighter. He gasped and I thought he'd wake up, but his eyelids just fluttered a bit and he shifted a little, so I automatically moved to hold him closer. Funny...this is sort of...nice...

I shook my head. Even thought he did look cute when he's asleep, that's no...agh! Stop it! Anyone'd think I was... I trailed off and looked at him again_. But he was_ _just_ _so cute_...

"Kinda cute, isn't he?"

I jumped a mile when Cream spoke – it was like she was reading my mind!

"Huh?!"

"He isn't so scary when he's asleep."

Amy wriggled round - again! - and peered up at him. "He isn't, is he?" she said, sounding surprised. She pushed herself up so she could see better and examined Shadow's face. "You're right...he is pretty cute, sort of sweet an' innocent-" I heard Eggman snort, along with Knuckles, but their hearts weren't in it. Amy and Cream glared and shushed them loudly before Amy continued "- but he still looks so sad..." She thought for a minute while I looked at Shadow again. After Amy's gymnastics getting a better look he'd slipped so he was lying half across my chest with his head on my shoulder. I was struggling trying not to grin when I noticed a thin patch of black streaking across my chest; I had to juggle Shadow a bit, but I managed to get a hand free while the others stared at me and Eggman sniggered. I ignored him and rubbed at the mark as best I could – it was charcoal. Where'd _that_ come from?!

"What's up?" Rouge asked, looking up from her inspection of Shadow's face and seeing the frown.

"I dunno..." I replied, still frowning at the coal on my fingers. "It's not like I got burnt or anything..."

"What are you...?" Rouge began, then took a closer look at my fingers and stopped abruptly. "No... _you_ didn't, but..."

My eyes widened and I looked back at Shadow. "I thought his Super form was still protecting him! How'd he get burnt?!"

Rouge was bending close over Shadow, examining his head and back. I watched her anxiously along with everyone else, practically holding my breath. He couldn't be hurt too bad! It's not fair, not after all this... My eyes narrowed as a small smile appeared on Rouge's face and gradually spread into a relieved sort of grin.

"Well?!" I demanded. She looked at me and the smile slipped a bit. "Oh..."

"Yeah, "Oh"! What's up? Is he hurt or not? What's wrong?"

Her ears went back. "Calm down Sonic! All that's wrong is Shadow's lost a lot of his fur!"

I goggled at her. "How...?"

Tails jumped in and interrupted me. "It was the heat, wasn't it? It's turned his fur to charcoal and it's rubbing off all over Sonic!"

Everyone found that very funny for some reason. My ears snapped back and I was about to tell them where they could shove the laughs when Amy suddenly **_exploded_** up out of the seat. _It's not funny!_ Shadow's just helped us save the world and nearly died doing it, and all you think about is how funny it is when his fur gets burnt! We're lucky it _was_ just' his fur - it would've been his skin if not, and you wouldn't be laughing then, would you?!"

As I gaped at Amy - I never knew she had such a temper - part of me shuddered to think of what might have happened if it _hadn't_ just been Shadow's fur...I went cold as I thought of him being seriously hurt and impulsively made a snap decision - I was never gonna let anyone hurt Shadow or abandon him again. I'd do everything in my power to help...and as I half lay there with him asleep in my arms I felt so protective of him I thought I'd burst. I'd never leave him alone again...

_Hang on - where'd **that** come from? _

I was distracted by Amy turning back and running her fingers through Shadow's quills- or she tried to anyway. They were so knotted and burnt she could only run her fingertips over them without hurting him. "I could trim off the burnt bits, if he'd let me..." she murmured, deep in thought as she rested her hand on his head. It was stupid - I felt the smallest jump of...jealousy... at the way she was handling his fur; but jeez, it's not like we're married or anything! We've fought practically every time we've met...

...So...

...so why do I want to look after him so much?

My eyes went wide and I looked down at him again.

No...I couldn't...

He chose that moment to turn his head away from Amy's hand with a sleepy grumble. Meaning that he leant towards me more...so I could just see the peaceful little half smile appear on his lips.

My heart melted - and I couldn't help smiling back.

Oh, boy, was I in trouble...

The Beginning.

* * *

All the characters are © Sega and I could only wish that I owned them. The story, however, is © me, and I will flay alive anyone who tries to nick it. You have been warned.

And no, I don't intend on turning it into full-blown slash. Or at all. One-shot only, people - but read and review anyway :)


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